Social anxiety, a subject I wish would be talked about more. I tend to deal with it A LOT with different things. I wanted to talk about that today. Not going to lie I was having anxiety posting about anxiety lol. Just because I know people all have different views on it. Whether its mild or severe. We all handle it differently and that doesn’t make us any less or any more. I would like to think and hope that whoever reads about my experiences (which I still deal with to this day) and how I like to handle it, it will help them understand they aren’t alone. When I think about social anxiety I think about it as having tiny little conversations with yourself in your head over and over again. Where I have it the most is being out surrounded by people I don’t know and talking in front of people. I can’t tell you how many times I have turned down my friends when they ask if I want to go out and have drinks at bars. Yes it can’t be fun sometimes but only when I go with people I feel comfortable with or if I’m being honest, getting drunk and I HATE that. I don’t like when I have to have a few drinks in me to lighten up and feel comfortable. When I’m out or before I even get to where I’m going I start to go through scenarios in my head like “omg do I look ok?” “is that person staring at me?” “everyone is judging me” “Is he going to come up and talk to me?” “how do I start and continue a conversation?”. Literally thats what goes through my head EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Im always afraid of getting left behind and I’m just standing there alone because I don’t know how to communicate with people sometimes lol. Its dumb things like that, that make me just want to stay home where I’m comfortable. Sometimes I’ll be out and I’m not enjoying myself so i’ll come home and cry because I felt stupid. Also talking in front of people I go through the same thing. I have to sit and think to myself, thats not how its always going to be stop talking down on yourself and enjoy life. Enjoy the fun with your friends don’t let something like this bother you and stop you from anything. Im lucky to have friends who actually understand where I’m coming from and why I get like that. They never judge me and always have such great advice for me and calm me down. They are the ones who make me realize that its okay to not always have to go out to enjoy yourself. If being at home or somewhere that you feel comfortable is what you like then do it an they’ll risk it for me. Its hard for me to stay confident with myself all the time and always be positive. Having people like that in your life is SO important. You will learn that not everyone will understand what its like to have social anxiety and thats okay. If you can find people to just vent to and know they won’t hold it against you, keep them. Another thing that helps me to is music. I will BLAST that shit and forget about anything else. Finding ways to calm yourself down from all of the stress you put yourself through helps so much, that is my number 1 rule. Remember to always stay true to yourself, if you don’t want to do things that you know isn’t you and you aren’t comfortable its okay not to do them. You’re not a loser or dumb for feeling that way. The whole reason I wanted to talk about this is because this is an everyday struggle I go through and I always feel dumb for feeling that way. But people tell me all the time that its okay. I have sat and cried all night because I’m 22 and I should be out having fun. But thats why I am picky when it comes to my friends and who I want in my life. They all make me feel comfortable. They get me and sometimes I wonder why they are still friends with me because I feel like I’m the boring one lol. Anyways, I hope this helps other feel better about themselves and that no one is perfect and everyone is always going through SOMETHING.
If you made it to the end thanks for reading the thoughts that go through my head sometimes. This is like a big diary for me lol. LOVE YOU ALL!!!!